Personal Essay #30

Some of the best moments of my life haven’t necessarily been while doing something fun. Sometimes the best moments happen when I am working on or at something. These are indescribable moments when I am doing something and find myself “in the zone.” Those moments of anoesis where I am not thinking— I am doing. My body moves along, knowing what to do and when—not missing a step. This flow of pure sensation and even bliss is so overpowering that when it ends, I feel like I have stepped off an elevator or a boat. I can feel the change of mental environments as I shift gears. Yet after this heightened state, I do not feel drained but rather recharged and full of life.

I love spending time with my family and friends and enjoy the happy memories these times produce. But those moments of being in the zone are just as important and perhaps even more fulfilling. These moments fuel my fire and keep me going. This area of mental flow has never come naturally for me as it does for others. I learned it. I earned it. I work hard for that state of mind. And while it doesn’t happen as often as I’d like (perhaps 20% of the time) I know that if I’ve done it once, I can do it again.

Perhaps reaching this state has been such a struggle for me because of my anxiety. There have been thousands of studies done which prove that too much stress or anxiety can actually prevent a person from reaching this mental zone. It is also proven that a little stress and anxiety are necessary to push us, but for someone like me, the trick is to keep that stress and anxiety from getting out of control. It is a constant balancing act between self-awareness and motivation and for me, a continual test.

Perhaps there are people out there who have never experienced this state and I am one of the lucky ones. Either way, I am proud to say I’m getting better at finding my personal flow. I am even learning the alchemy of turning my stress into positive motivational energy that I use to get myself closer to my dreams. If you struggle with this as well, I won’t tell you it’s easy but it gets easier and the energy will improve your life.

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