I think dealing with your own personal issues is probably one of the hardest things in life to overcome besides great loss. It’s a painful thing to accept something problematic about yourself. It is also quite difficult to have both the courage and ability to change these things. There is no simple step-by-step guide. There will be trial and error, mostly error.
However, I have learned that if one does not navigate one’s own issues, not only will everyone else around you have to continue to deal with them, eventually those people will tire of you not dealing with your own issues and will possibly leave your scene.
I personally have grown tired of another’s refusal to grow or to outgrow things that don’t work for them and decided to walk away. Usually, these are things related to drama and drinking. Likewise, over the years, I have had others walk away from me due to my problematic behavior.
I was recently referred to as “Judgy Jaimee.”
But is it true? To some degree, yes.
Does it need to change?
Well, after some deep introspection, I believe it does.
(Even when I am right.)
You see, the thing is, I can’t become the person I want to be with this current mindset. And while there have been times that being judgmental has kept me out of a potential problem, it has also lead me into some as well. This is a jagged pill to swallow but I believe in taking my medicine. I believe in self-improvement and personal evolution.
The experts say that the first step to change is to admit that there is a problem and while I have been chewing on this for weeks, this is the first time I am truly admitting my problem. I am actively working on changing it and becoming a more accepting and hopefully more acceptable human being. While I cannot change the past, I indeed hope that anyone who has been negatively affected by this issue forgives me for something I did not see before now. I am sure that during this process of change, I will stumble, as that is part of the dance, though I hope that my actions are harmless when I do.
One other thing that I have to remind myself is to not be judgy with myself as well. I have been my own biggest critic for far too long. I have judged myself harshly for every mistake I have ever made. This has kept me from growing into the person I need to become and perhaps cost myself some amazing friendships along the way. I have prevented my own growth and my own enlightenment. I imagine that I am not alone, and perhaps there are those who will judge me for admitting these things. I accept that. This is my path and my road. I will continue to do the best I can to navigate it.